The Burial
We accompany the deceased to their final resting place. The tradition is that the Kaddish prayer is not recited until after the casket has been lowered, and the grave filled. Dating back to Biblical times the preference for Jewish people has been earth burial, and that custom remains strong today. In some parts of the country, above ground mausoleum entombments are popular; when a family chooses to have entombment, they should check with their rabbi, as some are reluctant to officiate at a mausoleum.
The Chesed Shel Emet, the ultimate act of love and kindness, is shown to the deceased when the mourners and friends participate in the actual burial. Many people symbolically participate by placing a few shovels of earth onto the casket or vault. Because this is something the deceased can not do for himself; because the deceased can not ask the mourners to do it for her; and since the deceased can not repay--or even simply thank--the mourners for seeing to his or her proper Jewish burial, this becomes the ultimate, unselfish act of love and kindness. Although extremely difficult and emotionally painful, the actual burial of our dead has been proven to be more beneficial, psychologically, than if the casket were left on top of the grave and the mourners walked away. Participating and witnessing in the burial gives closure to the relationship and affords the mourners an opportunity to do something physical for their loved one for a final time. It also helps to minimize any illusions that the death might not have been real.
After the burial, upon leaving the grave, it is Traditional for those in attendance who are not mourners to form a Shura, a double line facing each other, forming a pathway through which the mourners pass to receive words of comfort. Since Tradition teaches us that we don't offer words of consolation to mourners until after the burial, this provides the first opportunity to express the Traditional words of comfort, "May you be comforted among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." Any kind words of sympathy may be said to the mourners as they pass through the double line. There is an expression in Hebrew that translates, "Words from the heart go directly to the heart" and any kind expression that is honest and meaningful is, more than likely, appropriate at this time.